A woman and her daughter came into our sex toy store. Mom looked at ease, and her daughter stood stiffly shoulder-to-shoulder with her mom.
In working the store, we are always on the floor and available to our customers, so the mom explained to me that she was looking for a great starter vibrator for her daughter.
Her daughter showed classic signs of being a bit embarrassed but did not shy away from the conversation.
I was suddenly having flashbacks to that first bra-shopping trip I had with my mother, where she and the saleswoman talked across me as if I wasn’t there. I didn’t really have any choices, it felt like no fun, and I came away knowing nothing new about being a woman.
I was determined to make this a better first time for this daughter.
I walked her over to our impressively large vibrator section and began to explain directly to her the various types of toys that we carry. As if we were shopping together, I enthusiastically toured her through the difference between clitoral stimulating toys, thrusters, g-spot stimulators, rabbits, anal plugs and simple vibrators.
Her mom was now a backseat passenger for the most part, only joining in when I showed her the Playboy Lil Rabbit, explaining to her that the toy was really quite silent, and so it would be more discrete if she was living with others. Her mom turned to her giggling, “or when mom and dad are home, since you are living in our house this year!” You could feel their bonding, and our tour continued. Her daughter absorbed the information on each type of toy without embarrassment. She held each toy, and I reminded her that although today she was simply looking for a starter toy, that it was ok that she had more than one.
I turned to the daughter as we approached the front, and explained to her that it is important that she get to know herself well, and how to please herself, because not only would it bring her joy now, but one day she might meet someone special, and she would want them to please her best, and they will want to know specifically how to do that for her. All of which begins with understanding herself. She can’t communicate it, if she doesn’t know.
Her mom beamed, and thanked me, but I wanted to thank her instead. How many moms pay attention to the positive sides of their daughters’ sexual development? So often our moms spend their time warning us about the dangers of sex, how not to be seen as loose, how to protect ourselves. Not enough moms take us down the road of how to get to know ourselves intimately, understand our body’s needs, and bring joy to ourselves. I applaud her and the way she has opened this healthier awareness of self to her child who is in transition to adulthood.
Her daughter grew that afternoon, expanding her understanding of not only herself, but also of her future rights to claim pleasure and own her happiness when it comes to her body. It was a gift from her mom which will serve her far into the future, because knowing your own body’s triggers is a foundation to sharing that knowledge with a future partner, and that level of communication can lead to a much more fulfilling relationship.
