The greatest hidden gem: MEN FAKE ORGASMS TOO!
Why do we fake orgasms? The obviously overall answer is that you are ready for the event to be over, and for a variety of reasons you just can’t figure out a less awkward way to end it.
But why it is awkward to just say – “I won’t be finishing”? Why is it hard to segue to no-sex without an orgasm punctuating the completion of the event?
Because sex is a hotted-up event which we have learned is to end with a BANG! And without that ‘punctuation’ at the end of the sentence, it feels weird to us. Like something is missing: a sentence with no punctuation at all at the end.
That’s not something we do. End a sentence without punctuation? That would be awkward
(very awkward) (I’m feeling awkward doing it here)
Suddenly more awkward because we worry we might be offending our partner.
So Men Fake Orgasms Too!
But what’s the biggest surprise to women? THAT MEN DO IT TOO!
And before we get into the deep dives of why and how to stop doing that shit, may I just say that women get a bad rap for faking orgasms! –but ladies are not the only ones.
MEN DO IT TOO ALL THE TIME TOO!
Yes. There it is. They do it too.
I’ve talked to them. They admit it. Sit with that for a moment, ladies.
We are all human.
We can be loving the experience of the extended play session with our partner, be passionately in the moment, filled with endorphins, and yet… nowhere near an orgasm.
And eventually exhausted. So then one might fake it to make the other person feel successful.
Why does orgasm = success to us?
Because we are programmed to believe this.
There is a vanilla version of sex which is a dance that has come to not need a lot of verbal communication. See if you recognize any of this:
STEP 1: Kissing, groping, heating it up. (usually both are on the same page)
STEP 2: Attention to nipples
STEP 3: Some oral interaction
STEP 4: Various positions of sex STEP 5: Orgasms
First Dates
On first dates we sometimes do this dance because it needs no communication. As the relationship evolves, we may be doing a bit more communication to delve into what excites each of us, but it typically ends with that familiar punctuation: the orgasm.
Partnered up, over time, the sex can take on a cadence which is familiar, and typically reliably ends in that orgasm.
Until it doesn’t.
And that happens. People change. Things shift.
Body Image Plays Into Our Sense of Sexiness
One partner can become more body-image conflicted. One partner may require additional stimulation which was not required before. Visual-stimulation needs may change, and the sexual preferences for what triggers an orgasm for one person can evolve over time without the other partner being changing with them, or even being aware.
Partners may know that their other-half responds to ‘constructive/instructive’ conversations about things in general BADLY, as if being attacked. Know anyone like that? As a result, a person may be hesitant to bring it up in case the partner gets upset and it creates a further problem.
Getting Someone Else Off
Getting someone off is so wrapped up in our minds about how that person sees us, and our own self-worth, and so as a result, it can be terrifying to broach the subject.
If open communication and a journey of seeking new levels of intimacy is not in place, then one partner can be left playing the old repertoire, while the other partner is left edged and unfulfilled… but not wanting to speak of it, and finding themselves faking orgasms.
The path of least resistance, no conflict, no hurt feelings, and no judgment sometimes is paved by simply faking an orgasm and taking care of yourself later. Or your back just hurts!
Sex Can Be Exhausting
Your tender bits are rubbed sensitive! You are exhausted, have been having sex for hours, and it has taken a lot out of you! A faked orgasm can end the game on a high note, and may be worth the dodge, instead of just saying: “I can’t get enough of you, but we don’t have to cum every time – we could just pick this up in the morning! Right? Lights out now, and snuggle?”
At other times, any number of things could be nagging at you, drawing your attention away from the moment, and you simply can’t find that perfect crest of a wave- but you feel like you are failing your partner, because we are so programmed to believe that orgasms – success!
Communication Breaks the Pattern
Break the pattern!
Speak of the unspeakable.
Maybe even set up the expectation that there may be no orgasm tonight – “I don’t plan on cumming tonight – just so you know – I want to build it up for some later-play… I would like to try this edging thing I have heard of… that ok with you?”
Take the pressure off. Start a new pattern that may involve not always having to have one, but not feeling apologetic about it, or feeling like you have to fake it.
SPACER
Question:
What are people most fearful about asking about in your store? And what are their biggest challenges in buying the right toy?
Answer:
With heterosexual men, it is about anything related to anal-play. They go out of their way to explain that they are not gay. They express concerns that their partner won’t accept their interest in anal-play. They are shocked to discover that this is a source of pleasure for many heterosexual men, with the complete support of their female partners.
With aging women, it is frequently the embarrassment of experiencing personal dryness, lack of sex drive, and extreme pain involved with sex. They are relieved that there are solutions to all three issues. They are relieved to find out they are not alone, and that many women face this challenge.
With the LGBTQIA+ community, it is frequently a concern that we may not understand or carry the product they are looking for. We do understand, and we try to find all the products we can to support the community.
With folks seeking dildos, it is almost always the color-match. Please know that we search for color ranges in all our products, but some sex-toy manufacturers are not always carrying them yet. They seem to test out new products in the ‘caramel’ range, and until they sell well, don’t diversify. That is frustrating for us too, and so please know we are always advocating for this.
