Intimacy can be even better than sex. All good endeavors have goals, particularly work and sports. But sex throughout the ages has spanned periods where sex takes on a ‘routine and goal-oriented’ focus which defines it, vs other periods where ‘hedonistic’ sexual behavior without thought of orgasm has been celebrated. The feast of the flesh over the goal of the orgasm. What have we learned from those periods?
There are four widely known periods in which hedonistic sexual behavior was more accepted: The Greeks with their hedonistic religious and social orgies, the Romans with their lavish feasts and sexual excesses, 18th Century European Aristocracy particularly in the French Court of Louis XV, and 1960’s Counterculture in Western societies.
In these periods, sex was viewed differently. Yes, sexual fluidity between genders was more acceptable and widespread- but the real difference in these cultures was their enjoyment of the flesh, frequently for no other purpose than sensory pleasure extended over hours or even days. Orgies in which the overwhelming feeling of multiple hands, mouths, or other body parts were commonplace, with alcohol and food decadency fueling the continued hedonistic vibe. Long sessions of touch, ranging from delicate massage to extreme impact-play could leisurely take up hours with no urgency from having to get up and go to a job at 9am.
We look at those eras, and shame them as needlessly hedonistic. We brand that type of sex as ‘too much’; decry the time that we don’t have available for it, and make excuses all day long. And what does that lead to? Hurried sex in search of orgasms. By ‘hurried’, we mean shorter than three hours! By ‘in search of orgasms’ we mean ‘with a defined end’, instead of continued play for hours before an orgasm, and if one happens, continued play afterwards.
The Goal of Sex
The Goal of Sex: Suddenly in non-hedonistic periods of our history, we have regressed to sex which seeks to define the beginning, middle and end of how sex should be, with goals in mind of satisfying both the man and woman on the same schedule. We have reduced the blowjob to the first 15 minutes, the entry and riding of a woman to the middle event (with a possible selection of positions to try to ‘shake it up’), and an ending-orgasm for all… which is usually not true, especially if you two are under the impression you are cumming together all the time: someone is lying. Usually, it is the woman.
In life, once you set a goal, anything short of that goal will lead most people to a feeling of disappointment. In sex, if the goal is chasing orgasms, sometimes sex can take on an unpleasant edge when there is an expectation of performance, or of having an orgasm.
‘Giving’ an orgasm can feel like a failure if the orgasm doesn’t happen, which can feel ‘badly’ for a person whose sexual confidence is wrapped up on ‘giving orgasms’. Each may wonder what the disconnect is, but ultimately, sex can then become less frequent and less sought-after.
It is important for your partner to feel that they are PLEASURING YOU. But as we will see, that does not begin to be only encompassed by the word ‘orgasm’.
Intimacy as the Whole Game
What if the goal was intimacy and tactile pleasure? We would like to suggest that this is a much more fun goal for both participants, in solo-play, and group-play. Knowing that your partner will be pleasuring you for hours is a way to really start off the relaxation.
Try to set aside at least 3 hours and know that you will be using every minute of that time, guilt-free. It is your time. It is long enough to allow you to ignore the clock.
Make sure that your lover is ready to put 100% effort into the event. Both are groomed, clean, comfortable with intimacy and wanting to explore every part of your partner within your agree-upon boundaries, and that your give-and-take will be paced slowly at first, but evenly with each other. One will hold themselves back when needed in pacing their partner, because there are no time constraints or ‘goals’ except to enjoy each other, to provide tactile pleasure and to allow both of your (or all of you) to sink into that hazy lovely feeling that an orgasm gives you… but continuously. Repetitively. Without a defined end in sight. Sitting in each other’s laps, entwined, on a couch, bed, or floor… kissing for long periods. Touching each other’s hair. Tracing the spine with your nails or fingertips. Pushing each other’s sensory boundaries together… these are the moments that provide extreme pleasure which does not have to stop.
Explosive Orgasms that Come Through Intimacy – even days later.
Have you ever set the alarm a few hours early, had a long tactile session of penetrative or non-penetrative sex-session in the morning without letting yourself orgasm? Been edged until you think your teeth are chattering. Come home to that sex partner after work that day and started again? The orgasm at the end of that night will be explosive. Pent-up overwhelming feelings of connection mingled with desire, which begin in the morning, continue in your mind or through text periodically throughout the day, and then find a culmination of release through more touch at night, can lead to some of the most intense orgasms.
Yet, you will probably remember the entire event for quite some time. You will revel in how long you could touch each other, look into each other’s eyes, whisper to each other, lick each other’s skin, smell each other, and giggle together as you endeavor to penetrate deeper… sometimes without penetrating at all.
Question:
What is the least understood toy in your shop?
Answer:
The Balldo. Look it up. It’s real. Balldo Review, Wired Magazine
